I set a goal early in the year to stop posting on my FB Timeline. Thank God that 20 days in and I’ve been successfully clearing that goal. I really want to limit my thoughts in this blog. Why? So that only people who want to read them will get to read them. I know people really don’t care so much. They do not think about these things too seriously. They can simply ignore your post and move on to the next if they’re not interested. They can also choose to ‘unfollow’ you. However, I can’t shake off the feeling that it’s imposing to push your updates on other people’s timelines when they aren’t really asking for it. It’s like giving out unwanted information.
I’m adding 3 small goals for myself to accomplish in 1 month to help manage my unnecessary feelings better. I need to lessen actual interactions that give me an illusion of closeness.
Goal #1: Do not comment on Yuto’s twitter posts. I can like and retweet but not reply. Goal #2: Do not comment on ONF’s Youtube videos. All my comments will be limited to this blog. I can like and save videos to my playlist but I’m banning myself from commenting. Goal #3: Limit my posts to emoticons on Yuto’s VLives.
When I pray, I usually close with “Lord Jesus, please always be with me. Do not let me stray away from Your will.” This is my life prayer. I know that as long as I am at the center of His will, everything will be okay. It hit me when I heard this song for the first time today. “Be my anchor,” it said. An anchor is the perfect imagery I did not know I was looking for!
“Be my constant. Be my anchor. Don’t let me wander. Don’t let me wander.“
— From the song Don’t Let Me Wander by Every Nation Music
Hearing this in Japanese made me tear up. It is very reassuring. God is telling me to not be afraid for He is here with me as he has always been. It made me want to shout and run because I can’t contain it. It’s too wonderful for me. I remembered how I screamed and squealed like a crazy person to cheer for Yuto. I couldn’t contain my excitement and love for him. What more this overflowing love from God! It makes me feel like the world is mine to conquer.
Henry Ford once said, “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals.” In the same way, “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off God’s promises.” Today God gave me the opportunity to identify and confront my own giants. It reminded me of this song from the musical Into the Woods through which Jack (from Jack and the Beanstalk) described his encounter with the giants in the sky.
God fulfilled most of His promises to me in 2018. I don’t even know what more to ask for anymore. The only thought that lingers on my mind is that I just want to start living for His purpose from now on.
“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
— Augustine of Hippo, Fourth/Fifth Century North African Theologian