Current mood:

I happened to notice that immediately after I uploaded my first Seunghwan FMV, someone immediately unsubscribed from my YT channel. I didn’t really mind and I didn’t want to make anything out of it but this morning, I noticed that 1 like from my dance cover video was removed too. I wanted to re-watch it to help me decide whether I should participate in 1THE9’s dance cover contest. I wondered if those were fans who were disappointed that I started supporting someone else besides Yuto. That’s fine if that were the case. I imagined what if that 1 subscriber was actually Yuto who felt betrayed. Nah. I mean, what are the odds that he actually follows my channel and cares about who I like? Before I uploaded that FMV, I thought to myself that maybe Yuto will cry because I’ve been a loyal fan and that channel was full of content about him. Then suddenly the banner got changed to 1THE9 and an FMV of Seunghwan was uploaded. I kept telling myself “No way. I’m sure he knows how k-pop fans are usually multi fandom. He wouldn’t care.” I kept convincing myself that it was just my imagination. It’s more probable that it was a WM staff or something. While my heart ached a little at the thought that maybe it was him, I thought if only he knew that the only reason why I’m trying to ‘like’ someone else is that I’m trying hard to stop myself from falling for him too deep. I don’t want to get my hopes up. That is my imagination talking, playing some weird scenario in my head. I guess he will never know and he probably doesn’t care. And I will never know too.


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