God fulfilled most of His promises to me in 2018. I don’t even know what more to ask for anymore. The only thought that lingers on my mind is that I just want to start living for His purpose from now on.
“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”— Augustine of Hippo, Fourth/Fifth Century North African Theologian
It’s so ironic that Christians like me keep on asking God to reveal what His will is for our lives but when God does answer, we get scared out of our wits. In the today’s reading it was written, “When the promises of God are clear, we can endure – despite the obstacles that are before us.” It also reads, “Hope is a clear picture of what God wants to do in and through your life. The clearer the picture, the stronger your hope.”
I don’t know if anyone will believe me when I say this but since I was young, there were times when saw some visions of the future. No. I’m not psychic. I think it’s more like a strong insight or an ability to picture myself in what is about to happen. I don’t remember my visions ever being wrong. Maybe my interpretation of it was wrong but the visions always come to pass. Well, prophecy is one of the spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit. Maybe it’s a form of that. Maybe it was God telling me something. I don’t know. I can’t clearly say which one is from God and which is self-imposed.
But today I’m sure it was the Lord who imprinted something in me. I had goosebumps. It made me tremble. I’m sincerely hoping I’m just having some delusions of grandeur but I’m not. It made me aware of my own limitations more than ever. I ended up laughing with an awkward laugh. Not because I didn’t believe but because I’m scared of experiencing what seems like a miracle. It’s like it’s hard to believe that such a wonderful thing will happen to someone like me. I suddenly understood how Sarah, Abraham’s wife, must’ve felt when the angel of God told them that she would bear a son in her old age. She also couldn’t help but laugh. When it comes to pass, I will clearly say it. I still have no idea what form or how it will happen but God is calling me to something I don’t want to do. I’m someone completely satisfied with how I’m currently living. I don’t have any ambition or great dream to the point that I’m even considering retiring in a few years time, retreat to the countryside and I don’t know maybe live on mangoes from my family’s mango farm. Someone like me who doesn’t care about money and doesn’t have a drive or will to do business, can I do it? Heck, I’m someone who still sleeps with baby plushies! I only care about my Kpop and Jpop boys! But maybe it’s precisely because I’m like this that God is calling me. I’m honestly scared.😭 I realized today how I doubt so much because I only look at things through the lens of my own limitations. The possibilities are endless with God. The God of the universe greatly favors me. I know and yet…I’m still scared!!!😭 The only request I asked of God is that when the time comes to clearly reveal his plan to me, I hope He doesn’t give me room to doubt. *sighs* So my current status is: “Waiting for further instructions”. I know God will iron things out.
“My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. “–Psalm 121:2
“If God is for us, who can be against us? “–Romans 8:31b