My devotional today was on Psalm 25. What struck me the most were the lines:
4 Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.
7b according to Your love, remember me for You, Lord, are good.
I’ve always identified more with the elder brother in the prodigal son than the rebellious son. I tend to be self-righteous and sometimes unintentionally fall into self-salvation. My self-righteousness manifests in the way I see other people. I often catch myself silently judging others and looking at them with disdain. It is only in my head that I am aware that just because other people’s struggles are different from mine doesn’t mean I’m any better. I admit I do make minor mistakes but I don’t screw up major life decisions. Thanks to the many years of training in various fields as a child, I was able to develop good focus and discipline that helps me not to indulge in vices most people are addicted to nowadays. I have always been someone who had a strong sense of justice and had always tried to pursue what is right and wise. Looking at the pattern of events in my life, it was always other people who have wronged me and not the other way around. Honestly, it feels unfair.
Recently, I am again put in situations where I need to forgive certain people who have greatly offended me. The verses above echo what my heart truly desires as of this moment. I want to see people according to God’s grace and love instead of the weight of their sin. And I’m praying to God to teach me.
When the owner in the parable in Matthew 20 told off the workers who worked the whole day and felt entitled to more pay, “Are you envious because I’m generous?”, I too was scandalized. Indeed, the Lord can do whatever He pleases but He chooses to be kind literally to everyone. Love trumps justice. Now I realize that I actually am envious that the Lord can be so generous.
This doesn’t mean I want to avail of the “perks” of sin (if you can call it that) and abuse this free pass of salvation given by God through Jesus, like other people do. No. I still prefer the benefits of living righteously. I love the genuine freedom, inner peace, and warm joy of being in the truth and in Christ.
It’s sad how other people are missing out. *sighs* I really need to learn to be more compassionate.